Acceptance

It is a sombering realisation after spending a solid time in any relationship , that your presence as an individual does not really matter. The title of the relationship holds importance but who you are and what you feel does not count.

Anjali had started doubting her existence. Her mere presence. To disappear from the world and see if somebody missed Anjali; not the wife, not the daughter, not the mother……

Even after spending so many years with Aniruddh she didn’t feel heard or seen. Her thoughts, her existence didn’t matter. And she didn’t want to wallow in these thoughts for too long as well. She was not a blooming fresh faced girl, she was a mature woman, who had a career, kids, life and home to look after.

To have some romantic notions to be loved or to be cherished was silly. It did not matter. So she started distancing. Distancing her heart from her mind, her innermost thoughts from her being, because if she confronted them she once again became that 15 year old young girl looking for acceptance.

And that is what brings the larger question does anyone give up their quest for acceptance till their dying day. Are you actually able to distance or do you simply tell the child within you, it’s ok, it’s all good, don’t worry. What if no one sees you. I do. And I accept you.

Silence, Anjali realised, is your friend. You do not need to have conversations or talk or express. It’s best to keep your feelings to yourself. Then you can guard them and protect them and tend them. Once out in the world, your feelings and thought become easy to manipulate.

Keeping yourself away from people you love is difficult but not impossible…….. accepting you as yourself is important.

With that thought Anjali once again decided to go about life. But she needed to look after herself as she realised she did not have a soft place to fall back on. She was her own friend, her own everything and she needed to be kind to herself and move on.

It’s funny how life works……

We don’t know where Anjali and Aniruddh’s story will go